What's the most significant number in your life? The one that matters most to you at any given time?
If you're female, it probably fluctuates. And it probably manifests itself every time you step on the bathroom scales.
I have a doctor appointment tomorrow. Just a routine visit. But we all know what that means, don't we? It means weigh-in time.
It's not like I don't know how much I weigh. I weigh myself pretty regularly at home. But there's a difference between weighing at home and weighing at the doctor's office and it can be up to as much as five pounds depending on what time of day you go, how much you have eaten and what you are wearing. At home I only weigh myself under strict conditions. First of all, I have to be coming off of a couple of healthy eating days. It has to be first thing in the morning, stark naked, after going to the bathroom, and before taking even a sip of water into my body.
When I go to the doctor, ridiculously enough, I try to reconstruct these conditions as much as I possibly can. I try to schedule my appointments early in the day so that I can more easily abstain from food and drink until it's over. I wear the lightest weight clothing I own. And I remove shoes and any outerwear before stepping onto the scales.
And I don't even have a weight problem.
Not really. A few pounds of middle-age belly fat I'd like to be rid of, but I do realize that's asking a lot at almost fifty. I know that the nurse or medical assistant or whoever is weighing me is rolling her eyes as she waits for me to slip my shoes and jacket off, and I always feel bad if she's heavier than I am.
But I can't help it. There's something about that number and the fact that it's going on my permanent medical chart.
Nobody likes to weigh in. No matter what they weigh.
I was talking with a couple of friends about how ridiculous it is that we have to weigh in at the doctor every time we go. Well, two of us were talking about it. The other one was just listening.
"I was just going in for a sinus infection, and they made me weigh in," I complained. "They even weigh me at the dermatologist."
As we ranted, our listening friend calmly waited. Once we were done, she very simply stated,
" I just tell them I don't want to be weighed this time."
The other two of us looked at each other. Our mouths fell open.
You can do that?
There's just something so authoritative about being in a doctor's office. I've been to a couple of appointments since this conversation took place. I have not yet been able to work up the courage to stand up to these people.
Will tomorrow be the day? Maybe I'll practice tonight. I'll look into the mirror and confidently pronounce,
"No thank you. I don't want to be weighed this time."
But just in case, I'm going up to my closet now to weigh my clothing options. Literally!
(So maybe you noticed the advertising that appeared on my blog several weeks ago. And maybe you've noticed that now it's gone. So much for my dream! It was causing me anxiety like you wouldn't believe. Every time I thought about my blog, I'd have this horrible feeling come over me. You know that feeling you get when something is terribly wrong? I was feeling like that all the time.
I'm pretty sure it was the advertising aspect of the whole idea. As soon as I cancelled it, I felt a return of peace. I will continue to post pretty regularly, but I won't rob myself of that peace I need to be truly happy and healthy. Blogging is something I've always enjoyed and I want to keep it that way! Thank you for reading my blog. I do love it when people read it. And I love your comments. I'm just not up to going pro, I guess!)